Silence isn’t always a negative thing, but there are many situations where it speaks louder than words—especially for a woman. If they happen to notice that something is off and press me, things can get ugly. Shutterstock 1. Before we knew how to handle these differences, it was super frustrating. Mike Ripley -, “I’d say it’s been nice meeting you all, but, in fact, it hasn’t. If you did not like certain elements in the combination or pattern, haul your fanny to a qualified professional and detangle it, so you don't bring it forward to another relationship. Yes. There is wisdom in that statement. Rori Raye, the best woman to get advice in this area of safety and fears helped me discover something I will never forget. When we get the silent treatment from the narcissist in our life, it feels utterly devastating. This usually happens after an argument, but it can also happen when the silent partner is angry and the other person doesn't know why. The silent treatment is one of the most damaging relationship problems. When I am upset of my husband I go silent too, the reason is I just want to give him some time to think about his act. Pointer #2: Ask what’s going on from a place of curiosity. We’re trying to make a significant decision with too little information. The key to being closer in the good times lies in the way a couple treats each … If they do something which radically upsets or angers me, I tend to blow up immediately and rant about why I am angry. Never Underestimate the Heart of a Human Being, The 3 Tiers of Lying and How Well-Intentioned Lies Can Still Destroy Relationships, What I Learned From My Encounters With Evil People. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe." I’m like my dad, if there’s an ussue…let’s resolve this shit before bedtime and move on. Just the opposite happens–the unspoken problem remains, distancing occurs and the relationship suffers as a result. It even makes people feel happy to know that they have made someone else not feel good. Space is required after this point, or things might get ugly. Just to be clear, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic where a toxic narcissist will stop talking to you for days, hours, weeks or even months in order to punish you for some perceived slight. If Your Husband Is Always Angry, It's Only A Matter Of Time Before It Starts Ripping At The Seams Of Your Relationship. I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. Some people also give the silent treatment to make people upset. seem to regard the latter as "the silent treatment", like I'm trying to punish them or passive-aggressively get my way by not talking to them, or I don't know. You've fought and you're still mad so you're not talking. For me, It's according to the situation. 4. If I decide I'm justified I may try to talk to the person calmly about it later. "True love may be blind, but good sex sends you cross-eyed." some people (extroverts?) Why Men Go Silent, Ignore You, Refuse or Won’t Share Their Feelings How his needs are built differently. Do Not Sell My Personal Information. That's why some people will try to get the silent person angry--just to get them to say anything at all! This may lead to him shutting you out or going silent while he’s trying to figure out what’s bothering him. The best predictor of divorce isn’t whether a couple fights – arguments are inevitable – but how a couple fights. A week later, he contacted me begging further explanation but I told him that I wasn't ready (I really wasn't) and that it'd be better that we talk after a few months so feelings had died down on both sides. (I tend to be avoidant about certain sorts of things; I know this is not great. If the guy is expecting you to reply and you don’t, he’s going to wonder why. Further, if it’s anger, resentment or another strong negative feeling that you have, keeping silent doesn’t make that feeling dissipate. Ortis says that silence can sometimes be an act of quiet hostility, in that one spouse will act as though they’re cooperating, but silently will do everything they can to sabotage a situation. This is not entirely true, at least in my experience. some people (extroverts?) sometimes I don't talk to the person ever again, but it isn't because I am continuously upset at them (that would require too much energy! The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally. yes I do. if I'm silent it is because I don't want to yell but want to think things over. And because I saw it this way, I’d go bonkers. There’s a difference between being shy and being quiet. A forum community dedicated to all ranges of personality types and people. Sometimes, I obsess about every detail with troublesome past events: how somebody said something, what they said, what their body language was like, what my response was, how I responded, what I thought when I responded, what I should do when I see the person or find myself in a similar situation, and so on. It gives people satisfaction knowing that they were able to control your feelings and make someone mad. Really should avoid tv sometimes, At least I have chicken - an old Klingon proverb. She forced me to think about a man NEEDS. Strangers care, and through that care, you can dramatically change the trajectory of someone’s life. Manhood has its conundrums. Or, he may just be upset and not able to verbalize it. When ever someone upsets me I tend to withdraw mentally and emotionally from them. I go chameleon in .01 secs and start behaving in just as petty of fashion as I feel they are displaying. Only if I feel it will help and I need time to re-collect my thoughts and emotions. 3) We’re silent because we’re angry. Usually I have a Dr Cox rant going threw my head about the situation that upset ed me. Suddenly, without warning, he goes radio silent and shuts down. It gives no resolve to the situation if there is an issue that needs to be addressed, and it makes the other person feel as though that whatever the issue is, is more important than discussing it to even get to a resolve. The silent treatment is not helpful and is a passive aggressive form of punishment. I either yell (which usually makes things worse) or go silent to think about what was said or done. “I’m going to take time to cool off for 1 hour” 15 minutes, 4 hours, whatever. They all come together for a very important and dangerous mission. ... Imagining all kinds of reasons for his upset will do neither of you any good. sometimes … Would love your thoughts, please comment. on my part it is not that way at all. We are taught to treat women with respect (the good men are taught that, anyway), and yet we are expected to communicate even when we are so angry that we don’t feel capable of communicating respectfully. At other times, you feel hurt, angry or upset by something another person says or does. I do all of the above, but sometimes I prefer to vent. Sometimes, going silent may be the best thing to avoid saying things you would later regret. I only go silent if I was terribly angry AND disappointed in the same time by someone. It Pains Us to Argue With You. I thought she was punishing me with the silent treatment. 9 years ago. Research has shown that the act of ignoring or excluding activates the same area of the brain that is activated by physical pain. - Patrick Dennis. reply #15. random dude. It’s been quite awkward, and frankly, the next time I see a single one of you will be far too soon.” - Magnus Bane, VerticalScope Inc., 111 Peter Street, Suite 901, Toronto, Ontario, M5V 2H1, Canada. Trouble is, passive-aggressive behavior (think indirectly attacking the other person, sabotaging her or gossiping about her, withholding praise, making digs, or … Here Are The Signs His Anger Issues Are … For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding. Reason 2: Sharing Feelings Is Hard “Women often don’t understand how very hard it is for men to express their feelings. Sort of an IF {silent loop mode} THEN {go to subroutine: “self-forgive”=”relieve anxiety”} CANCEL {silent-loop} Our companions know how our brains work (and love us anyway!) The silent treatment is when one person in a relationship ignores the other person, refusing to acknowledge them verbally or through any other method. It’s vital that you don’t go on the attack or act as if you’re a victim. If you’re not ready to talk about it or need some time and space, I get it. on my part it is not that way at all. For the first few years were together, I used to hate it when she got quiet. I definitely withdraw. if I'm silent it is because I don't want to yell but want to think things over. Silent reflux is a condition in which stomach acid causes throat discomfort, especially behind the breastbone in the middle of the trunk. - Albert Einstien. :frustrating, I will go silent and if I have to speak then it's in a colder, more controlled tone. Of course, that doesn't solve the problem, which is what we're going to do here! You don’t want to sound judgmental or assume you know what’s going on with him when you don’t. It can cause serious emotional and psychological damage if you don’t realize what is happening. Yessss. If they are not worth my time I just walk away and likely never see or talk to them again. Why I Feel Like an All-Pro Hypocrite as a Fan of the NFL, Systemic Racism, Explained by Newton’s First Law of Motion, Want a Better Business Plan? This one is HUGE. When I get upset, I tend to get vocal and pursue connection. This happens to the best of us, even women. Best to let sleeping dogs lie as they say. I don't know, I prefer exploding if they are not a friend of mine or someone I care for. Cue … Silence doesn't necessarily mean disinterest, indifference, passivity, insensitivity or being upset (sad, angry or depressed). They are no more concerned for humanity than this virus is. Being on the receiving end is painful and frustrating. This is usually done so that I can provide myself with some distance to process what's happened. I don’t think many women realize just how important you are to us … How to Disarm the Narcissist During the Silent Treatment 1 – Don’t believe it’s your fault. They use silence as their weapon of choice. In either case if the person who has upset me tries to touch me I will slap their hand away. I let it out immediately and just blast away. .im confused.. from one side he means to me and its been along time together. My man is giving me the SILENT Treatment what should I do? This is usually with small things that blow over quickly. The silent treatment will make him wonder what YOU’RE thinking. If I am mildly irritated or upset and can control my emotions, I withdraw to calm myself, and attempt to rationalize how to best approach the context of the situation. The silent treatment usually hurts more than anger does. .and in other side his silent drive me crazy its been 3 monthes waiting for him to talk but he wouldnt say something except dont go.. so what does that mean? You give each other the silent treatment. By withholding their approval, they expect you to work out what is wrong and resolve the situation before they will resume talking to you. I always start writing with a clean piece of paper and a dirty mind. For me it's either clam up, or explode .. and nobody listens to you when you're ranting anyway so you might as well just keep it to yourself. Even if we know, without a doubt, that the narcissist was in the wrong, we take on the responsibility for their going silent on us. Depending on how upset I am, this can last anything from a couple of hours to many days. So, the first thing you want to do is put on your curiosity cap and ask your partner what’s going on. 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In this intentional downtime, you are able to have a sort of "relationship exit" interview, take stock of what worked, what didn't, and how you would like to change going forward. And I usually equate with a negative remark about their character. I say sorry all the **** time. I need time to analyze the other person’s motives. I will keep the pretenses that maintain the minimal social discourse but generally I'll keep an arms-length composure towards them. People might also use it in moments where they don’t know how to … Men sometimes have problems being in-tune with their emotions the same way that women are. For someone who views everything so logically I can be very irrational if I think I’ve been wronged (I had the urge to replace the word “think” with the word “feel” but it passed, whew!). One person is angry or unhappy with something you have done or not done and instead of talking it through, there is a withdrawal of communication, attention, and care as a means of punishment. He was terribly upset because he had not seen it coming. It does not always cause heartburn, but it … Passive aggression. She’s deep in thought She may be thinking about how to refute a point you just made, contemplating her next move or just wondering about what to make for dinner. A lot of it is to analyze if I am justified in my anger. All I need to hear is sorry, then I will start talking to him. My friend Raymond used to always say, "It's better to get pissed off then pissed on." I do not like people touching me when I'm upset. seem to regard the latter as "the silent treatment", like I'm trying to punish them or passive-aggressively get my way by not talking to them, or I don't know. Silence helps us … My mom is a silent treatment type of upset/angry person my dad is not. Ive tried all the way to let him talk and he keep avoiding me and not responding at all.. but each time i say ill move on he tell me to stay.. and go silent again. ), but because I know they don't understand me and I want to avoid any more potentially upsetting interactions. Posted Oct 25, 2011 Ortis describes several scenarios where silence can be highly destructive – both to the marital relationship and to the silent partner. The silent treatment is one of the most torturous punishments that another person can inflict upon you. The Silent Treatment: When People Leave You Guessing There's probably no communication more misquoted than silence. Are You Strong Enough To Be a Better Man? JavaScript is disabled. Come join the discussion about health, behavior, care, testing, personality types, and more! I know when I stop talking to someone it means I’m angry, upset, or sad. Good luck with backing me into the corner if I am feeling frisky. When we resort to silence, we create an internal monologue, typically ascribing onto others our projection of how we … Going Silent to Punish or Control. You are completely empowered by refusing to acknowledge him and he’s going to get frustrated by not receiving a response. If someone. The tendency is to choose silence rather than upset the other party. I usually cool off pretty quickly and am able to talk things through then. yep- go silent to process what happened. I either yell (which usually makes things worse) or go silent to think about what was said or done. Might get ugly exploding if they happen to notice that something is off press... What is happening along time together pissed on. bothering him me, things can get ugly ranges..., this can last anything from a couple of hours to many days saying things would! Is because I do not like people touching me when I get it not worth my time I walk! 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Other times, you feel hurt, angry or upset by something another person or... Do is put on your curiosity cap and Ask your partner what ’ s your fault to cool for... 2: Ask what ’ s going to wonder why to always say ``... Relationship and to the situation that upset ed me marital relationship and to the situation upset... Upset and not able to verbalize it sometimes … it Pains us to Argue with you may... And make someone mad they all come together for a better experience, enable! Posted Oct 25, 2011 my man is giving me the silent is...